AMY UHRICH » Life

Missin’ You

Amy — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 08:02:21 +0000

It’s been a while since I’ve updated, but I never forget. I’m leaving town in a few days so I wanted to catch up and post a few photos that were taken quite a while ago now (while there was still a lot of snow in Pittsburgh!), just so they don’t go to waste. I’m sure no one minds.

Wolf tee, Amazon; faux fur coat, ASOS; purple jeans & hoodie, F21; Naughty Monkey D-Ring boots

I’ve been going to the dentist a lot lately, and now have taken care of almost everything, including a root canal and a cap on one of my front teeth (not my fault; apparently the nerve got injured somehow? Maybe someone punched me in the face years ago and I just don’t remember. Jerk). So I essentially have a fake tooth now that looks just like my old one, after wearing a temporary fake for 3.5 weeks that fell out right before the appointment, and almost went down the drain. I wish I was kidding; it’s like my worst nightmares realized. But I rescued it and popped it back on just in time to catch the bus, and now I have a new one, and no one (including me) can tell. I’m a real trooper. All that’s left now is getting all four of my wisdom teeth out in a month or two, which I am dreading. So the lesson is: don’t be a victim of evolution, and don’t get punched in the face. Especially by phantoms.

You’re probably not wondering where I’m going, but I’m going to tell you anyway. On Thursday (today!) Matt and I will be joining my parents, my brother, and his girlfriend on the lovely island of Kauai (jealous?) for a one-week stay. I’m rather excited as I’ve never been to Hawaii (though my parents have been several times), and Kauai was definitely the island I most wanted to visit. Also, due to poor planning on my part, I’m arriving back in Pittsburgh on May 6, then turning around the next day and flying back west again to Idaho for 10 days to visit a good friend of mine who’s moving to Australia. I am not going to be a happy traveler, but both trips should be a blast (hopefully the latter will allow me more relaxation than the former). I’ll try to update if I can while I’m gone, but at the very least I will take some photos!

I also want to thank all of those who have read my blog, left comments, given me @mentions on Twitter, and asked me questions on Formspring, despite what has essentially been a total lack of updates lately. I also want to thank Amanda for featuring me in the 12th edition of Hello, Blogosphere! recently – what a sweetheart.

Leather patch sweater, H&M; faux leather leggings, F21; cross necklace, Anatego; coat & scarf, Victoria’s Secret; leather backpack, Skechers platform boots

I hope you’re all having a smashing spring. Talk to you soon.

Harsh Truths & Champagne Flutes

Amy — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 06:14:57 +0000

Photo by Gibbous Fashions

I am unhappy about my absence. It’s more than a physical absence, a state of not being, of not being here. It’s also a mental absence, an emotional one, the problem of wanting to write a blog post and finding my fingers have dried up, or rather they are separate from me, and cannot move – I am, melodramatically, an inkless quill. It’s not that I don’t have plenty of material to write about, or a desire to write, but that the task is overwhelming, maybe more so than it was for much of the past two years, when this blog was largely something that I am not, which is steady, and upbeat.

I sound unhappy when I write.

The point is, I’m here now. Attempts were made to publish at least one post over the holidays but they sneaked up on me – those days with their long, frosty tendrils spiraling me into Oregon. It was a short visit with Matt’s family, one filled with the sweetest coffees, a rogue foot massager, and an on-stage production of Beauty and the Beast. New Year’s Eve in Pittsburgh was uneventful. I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions, but with my goal of reconnecting with friends via email, I suppose it’s not a bad time to start. (That sentence was a grammatical nightmare, but I’m too lazy to fix it.)

I’m not sure where I’m going with this. I suppose I just wanted to preface whatever comes next in the blog, in my life, in the world. That is perhaps too much to account for, so let’s just say this is an omen for whatever small trials and wonders may arise, whatever blue moons or mundane dooms. I may not be a truly reliable blogger but I can do that, at least. I can exist – and let you know, at least occasionally, that I do.

Why I Left Facebook

Amy — Tue, 21 Dec 2010 17:13:31 +0000

Photo by Saga Sigurdardottir

I’m generally an enthusiastic supporter of social media. So when I decided to deactivate my Facebook account indefinitely, I surprised even myself. I still have a Twitter account, a LinkedIn account, and a blog, for various purposes. My Facebook account was older than all of those things and older than the accounts of most of my friends – over five years of photos, messages, wall posts, groups, pages, and friends’ profiles gathered into one convenient location.

But two weeks ago, I backed up all my photos and account information; I sent out a mass message to the people I truly desired to keep in touch with, asking for their contact information and telling them how to reach me; and I gave everyone else my email address via status update, just in case. And, on Sunday night, after a lot of planning and hard work tracking down people who didn’t respond, I hit the ‘deactivate’ button.

My reasons for leaving were numerous. Those of you who have been around the network as long as I have will remember the good old days, when Facebook was merely a neat and tidy networking tool for United States college students. Back when everyone posted their class schedules (with ease, I might add) to make friends more easily, and prompt discussions of homework; back before non-college students were allowed to sign up (an improvement, maybe, but one that forever changed Facebook’s original function); back before ‘Applications’ of any kind existed on-site, and Walls were filled with posts written by real people and nothing else – posts far more useful than game updates and quiz results (things I successfully omitted from my own profile all these years). Oh yes, I miss those days.

But nostalgia was not the primary reason for my exit. Nor was the fact that I was rarely online. Nor was my personal opinion that “I noticed on Facebook…” is NOT a cool way to start a sentence or conversation (because I firmly believe that, and hate the fact that I’ve ever uttered it). Rather, my reason for leaving stemmed more from the fact that the Facebook dynamic had become tired and crippling – that it was hurting my friendships, rather than helping them. So many of my relationships had become stagnant, static connections reduced to images and text, and in some cases, silence. You could say that’s my fault, and frankly, it is. I should never have let that happen. But it’s so easy – even acceptable, or encouraged – to delegate your communication duties to an online profiling network, and allow your primary method of keeping in touch with friends and family be one that reduces us to a series of actions and events.

Photo by Maggie Lochtenberg

Facebook promotes voyeurism so enthusiastically (they are making it easier for us to spy on one another every day) that it seems almost counter-intuitive to do anything but watch one another. Fewer questions need asking; fewer updates need to be given outside the website. People are more likely to feel as though they already know what, and how, all their friends are doing – sometimes assuming they know. Which is where the trouble starts.

Being bombarded with updates seemed to invalidate my desire to truly communicate and ask my friends how they were doing. I felt silly doing it – as though they would invariably repeat the information I just saw splayed out before me on-screen. In many cases, they probably would – but the fact that it made the question seem irrelevant prevented me from asking 90% of the time, which stopped me from truly engaging. As a result, I felt less and less connected with people.

In addition, assuming that I knew what was going on with everyone often caused me copious amounts of stress; the drama was inescapable. In one case, one of my good friendships was slightly deteriorating outside of Facebook, and being bombarded with said friend’s numerous adventures (photos, conversations, etc.) with other people made me feel unnecessarily jealous, hurt, and angry on several occasions. On other (somewhat opposite) occasions, Facebook became a place to prove something; if someone I didn’t like was moving in on my territory (whether that be my friends, family, or romantic relationships), I sometimes felt unnecessarily threatened, and publicly engaging those friends (publishing and tagging more photos of us together, writing cute things on their walls, etc.) became a way for me to subconsciously “assert” my rank to the so-called intruder and feel temporarily placated, rather than simply happy for companionship.

Clearly, I have a lot of self-esteem issues, and I often suck at communicating in general – Facebook wasn’t entirely to blame for my problems, obviously – it just wasn’t helping.

Here’s a quote from the message I sent to friends:

“I believe there are much more sincere and authentic ways for me to connect and stay in touch with people. I miss the days of email (never thought I’d have to say that) – sending and receiving random, rambling messages which, although time-consuming and often directionless, were far more interesting and real than anything I’ve experienced here.”

Photo by Cari Ann Wayman

I firmly believe that we are not what we do, nor what happens to us. We are beautiful people with depth and value, and I can’t support nor utilize anything that makes it more difficult for me to see these things in others, and for others to see them in me. We are far from soulless, and I don’t appreciate being rendered that way.

The alternative is, of course, in-person interactions when possible, and telephone, email, instant message, video chat, or snail mail the rest of the time. Personally, I don’t much like being on camera or talking on the phone; my preferred method of communication outside the face-to-face is usually email. But I realize not everyone prefers it (clearly). Some people claim to be terrible at responding, or slow, or whatever – that’s fine, I can live with a slow responder. But as harsh as it sounds, I figure that anyone who won’t make the effort to communicate with me by email (and failing that, physical address, or phone if need be) simply doesn’t value my friendship enough. In which case, it’s their loss, not mine.

So far, I’ve been having great fun reconnecting with friends old and new through email, and I’ve already received two snail mail offers (one from a long-time friend who, in what I can only assume is a quest to usurp every ounce of my free time, insists I fill an entire journal with my thoughts and send it to him, in exchange for one of his own – love it; the other from a very talented girl whom I haven’t seen nor spoken with in years – and felt privileged to have met and known all too briefly during a creative writing workshop – who wants to exchange letters with me pen-pal style). Both of these offers are met with gratitude and excitement, and I really hope more will roll in.

I don’t write this to convince anyone that Facebook is an inherently terrible place. It’s not. I write to explain why it just didn’t work for me – and to communicate (remember: communicate) how, for some of you, there’s a very real possibility that it’s not doing you any favors.

It’s a cold, cold world without friendship; I’ll be damned if I’m going to give that up without a fight.

Blog Direction

Amy — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 08:51:28 +0000

Vlada Roslyakova by Greg Kadel, Numero 104

Wow, that’s quite a weekend I took. Ha! I now realize it’s hard adjusting to a new schedule when, previously, you didn’t have one at all. Okay, so, here’s what I’m thinking in terms of (regular) future posts:

Outfits

You weren’t worried I’d stop, were you? There, there. I still want to photograph my silly threads for your viewing pleasure. But I’m tired of them sounding like product reviews (and linking to retailers, for that matter – I’ll still list them, but I don’t want to link them and feed my readers’ consumerism any more than I need to). I want the photos to speak for the clothes, and my words to speak for me – let’s talk a little more about life, about thoughts, shall we? Clothing, thoughts, and emotions are directly tied in my world. Clothes alone mean little.

Tarot

I love it, and there are times in my life I use it less than others, but I always come back to it. So it needs to have a place here, otherwise I really wouldn’t be authentic. I want to post readings sometimes, and basics (some readers expressed an interest in learning how to read), and just generally gush when I need to. I really want to play around with tying tarot and fashion together (not to mention tying it more directly to other areas of my life, such as writing). I think some interesting combinations can come out of this, and emphasize that tarot can fun as well as serious. After ten years it really still boggles my mind and makes me laugh in the process.

Opinion

Sometimes I need to get on my high horse and rant. Other times, stuff just needs to be said. And sometimes I simply have wisdom or information I feel is worth sharing. You can disagree with me if you want, but I have to let this stuff out somewhere or it kind of destroys me and mucks up my personal life. These posts can be personal, fashion-related, whatever – anything I feel strongly about, or have a stance on, controversial or not. When I have relevant advice, I’ll give it. I’ll try to be as objective as I can.

Visuals

I can’t be original all the time. I know this is rule #1 in the world of blogging but fuck that. Some of the most utilized fashion blogs out there are nothing but image archives. It depends on your goal. And sometimes I really want to post recycled content. Sometimes I even want to post it long after it’s made its rounds, because maybe it suits my mood much better weeks, months, or years after the fact. That’s okay. I need to fill my blog with pretty, inspiring pictures sometimes – whether it’s fashion editorials, art, or just general photography. I only ever post images I really love, and only when they suit me – and I’m always glad for it later when I go back to look at them again – they serve as a reference point for my style, mental state, life path, whatever. It rocks.

Links

Of course, link love has to happen sometimes. I’m not good about doing it every week like some (hell, I’m not good about doing much of this stuff every week), but I still like to mention things I love (things that don’t necessarily warrant individual posts here) once I’ve amassed enough of a collection that I find some rhyme or reason to it, or it just gets to be too much. Like images, my links aren’t always fresh. But I think they’re good, and I like to keep them here for reference (both for you and for me), regardless of their date of conception. I can’t even count how many times I’ve searched my own website to find something I linked to months ago. It’s rather convenient.

Personal

I like telling stories. I’ve also been following a couple blogs recently that make use of listography – and I think these personal lists can be a really fun way to get to know someone better. I also wouldn’t mind having readers post their own lists in the comments, since I love to get to know you all as well. I’ve just started doing this recently on my own, and I’ve noticed that making personal lists really makes me rethink my memories and see my past in a whole new way (which, as a creative nonfiction writer and someone obsessed with the past, I find very useful and enlightening). Stories I wouldn’t normally tell on their own make their way into lists, and each list forms its own story, which reveals personality. And I like that, a lot. Hopefully you will too.

Writing/Literature

This one’s important to me, but I’m not sure exactly how to go about it yet. I want to post more of my personal creative writing – mostly in-progress works, little scraps and ramblings, that kind of thing. I used to really let my lyricism into my blog posts (way back in the day), and it made things a whole lot more fun (and at times, a whole lot more vague). I’ll probably mostly stick to that for now, since I’m a little nervous about copyright theft, especially in terms of posting actual full works or large excerpts. My creative writing is very precious to me, even more so than blog posts and photos I’ve taken – I feel stifled when I don’t ever write lyrically in public spaces, so I’d like to give it a shot. I’d also like to occasionally feature short works from some of my favorite writers, like I used to. There’s so much extraordinary stuff out there, and I think it’s important to expose people to good writing.

So there you have it.

Sometimes this stuff will overlap. In fact, I HOPE it overlaps regularly. But I’m gonna try not to worry about it too much. And of course, there will be other things thrown in there – the occasional post about music, style direction, personal stuff, et cetera.

Also, keep in mind that when I say ‘regular’, I mean, ‘when I can’ – which really varies. Clearly. I think I’m gonna take it slow for now, since I’m still feeling out my work/life situation, so please bear with me. Regardless, I’m eager to start. It may not earn me cash money, but it’s going to be fun.

Update

Amy — Sat, 27 Nov 2010 00:03:43 +0000

Photo by Albert DJ

Sorry for posting so late in the week, friends – it’s been a really busy one. Spent the past two days cooking for (American) Thanksgiving, and the beginning of the week sorting out student loan stuff and getting acquainted with Blippy, where I’ll be contributing my services as a Community Manager with a fashion focus – fun! I’ve spent today stuffing my gut with leftovers, watching silly anime, and checking out Black Friday sales. I also need to do a tarot reading for a client tonight – hence the brief blog post.

I only got a few (very thoughtful!) comments on my last post, but they were overwhelmingly supportive of my blog moving into a more personal direction, so I’ll take that as a sign that I’d do well to continue pursuing other topics and outlets besides fashion (though I’ll still cover fashion). Thanks for the support, you guys. You made it sound like I’m already more interesting online than I thought I was.

I have a tentative blogging plan, which I’d like to mull over a bit more and reveal next week. Until then.

A Meditation on Blogging (and Everything)

Amy — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 20:58:30 +0000

Abbey Lee Kershaw by Greg Kadel

I haven’t forgotten about you all. I’m still job-hunting, but I’m also trying to figure out the direction I want my blog to take.

Writing like this is sort of tricky for me, because I’ve been blogging for almost ten years, but until two or three years ago I did it only for myself. I never really had a plan, and mostly used it as a way to record my daily life, my thoughts, and express myself creatively in strange and poetic ways.

Back then, I didn’t expect anyone to read it, and since I had no commenting system (I’m talking built-from-scratch blogging on free web hosting – not ugly, because I made sure of that, but long before WordPress or Blogger existed) I’m not sure if anyone did or not. But somehow it seemed more profound and far-reaching, like the things I said echoed, like they could resonate – and it was more me, more soulful.

Fashion, however important, is in many ways superficial. And believe me when I say that I mean this in the most basic sense – I’ll be among the first to stand up for fashion (and fashion blogging) if anyone puts it down, and I’m working on a post to that effect, actually. But it’s difficult for me to focus on a single subject, even when I’m incorporating other elements of my life into it (tarot, art, literature, and the occasional personal anecdote or thought). As much fun as it can be, it’s still difficult (especially with something that can be so time-consuming) to talk about that one thing over and over again, and not feel one-dimensional. It’s tough, because I’m not one-dimensional.

Before I finished my bachelor’s degree, I stopped writing at my old blog. I won’t tell you what it was, because it’s a very personal thing to me now, and it’s unlikely you’ll ever find it (hint: don’t bother trying) – but I updated it fairly consistently from the time I was sixteen until I was twenty-one. Soon afterward, I started up again – on what became four separate blogs: I had one for fashion, one for tarot, one for personal writing, and one for creative writing (which never really got off the ground). My interests are so diverse that it made sense for me to work this way – but I’m also so fickle that I’d spend a lot more time on one than the others, and then change it up, and again, and again, until I felt overwhelmed by having four separate blogs. This blog was my solution. And now, of course, I feel limited.

Abbey Lee Kershaw by Greg Kadel

I wanted this to be my space on the web. And in many ways, it is. I only post content and share things that I love or care about. On the other hand, there’s so much more to say than what I actually say. But seeing all the great fashion blogs out there is an inspiring thing, and so it’s hard not to emulate them, to do what they’re doing – if not for success (which I certainly wouldn’t mind), then simply out of love for what they are. But I can’t help but wonder if what I usually see out there is not what I’m meant to do. Maybe that means not being ‘successful’ in the blogging world, but that’s not really why I want to blog in the long run.

I love fashion. I also love to write poetry, creative nonfiction (I mean, I got my degree in this stuff), and hell, maybe fiction again someday. I like having a place to vent – not just my opinions, but the personal stuff – I really miss that. I love tarot – I’ve been into that just as long as blogging, and I wish I could read cards for a living sometimes. I love music. Art. I spent years in college sketching, gesture and contour line drawing, and working with oil pastels. And christ, I’m not going to lie, I’m a deviant – all through high school I was a fucking weirdo – I read Matt Good (my all-time favorite musician)’s personal “manifestos” over and over long before they were published (jesus, I still love them), and before I even started blogging the crazy thoughts that ensued, I spent two years building a website on Geocities (this is the ugly stuff) where I posted crackpot theories and talked (in the second person, no less) like an escaped mental patient who thought he (yes, he) was playing ‘bad cop’ to a bunch of lost children – it was hilariously, frighteningly bad (I can’t believe I’m even writing this, and again, you’ll never find any of this stuff, so I guess you’ll have to take my word for it).

Anyway. What I’m trying to say in all my rambling is that I am not perfect, I am not a robot, and I am self-absorbed in far more ways than I’ve depicted in a smattering of outfit posts. I need to let loose once in a while, I need to be random once in a while, and I need to be able to talk about whatever the hell I want. Because I love you all, but this is my blog. As hard as I try, and no matter what goals I try to make for it, I can’t make it anything but my blog. And in the words of the great Kurt Cobain (who I worshiped at a time when I wasn’t afraid to just say what I wanted), “I’d rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.”

So what do you think? Can I be that here? I want your opinions.

Signing off.

Many Thanks & A Brief Interlude

Amy — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 19:23:33 +0000

Columbia Road by Miles Aldridge, Vogue Italia 2009

Dear readers,

Thanks so much for being awesome people. Thank you for sticking by me, and reading, and leaving such thoughtful comments on the wild and self-indulgent endeavor that is my blog. I can’t stress enough how much I appreciate your company and support, and I hope you’ll all stick around for future adventures with me on my little home on the web.

I wanted to let you all know that things might get a bit quiet around here during the next week or two, as my job search becomes ever more imperative. Please understand that I would rather be here spewing fashion nonsense and tarot readings and bleeding photography, but that I simply must take a break from regular posting in order to accomplish all the other tasks on my list.

You understand, I know, because you’re awesome like that.

I’ll be sure to give a status update sometime next week if you haven’t heard from me by then. In the meantime I hope you have much fun browsing other blogs, making new friends, and generally kicking ass at life.

Also, if anyone wants to chat (about whatever – seriously), feel free to e-mail me. You rock. ♥

P.S. If anyone knows of any creative writing/editing jobs in the Pittsburgh area (or via telecommute!) that may have escaped my radar (fashion-related is a bonus, of course), I will love you forever if you let me know.

The Emotional Effects of Overconsumption

Amy — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 18:43:12 +0000

David Shields for Lanvin

I’m having an existential crisis.

Consumerism is making me sick – literally. Not the nature of consumerism in general (it’s rather an important economic cycle), but the fact of my own consumerism. I find myself, this afternoon, crawling into bed with a terrible stomachache – not to mention an overwhelming sense of unfulfillment – realizing that it’s not simply the result of having poorly eaten and slept, but of having just spent my first few waking hours (not unlike most of the hours at my disposal these days) thinking about nothing more than what I want to purchase.

I’m sitting in bed as I write this – something I never do – and finding myself surrounded by my wardrobe. I really should do this more often, because it’s in here that I’m reminded of what I have, and it’s far more difficult to convince myself that I really need anything more. I don’t. And as much as I love the current state of my wardrobe (much more than I ever have in the past), I’m afraid I wouldn’t miss most of it too terribly if it happened to disappear. There are other things that are more important.

This is not a new sentiment, obviously. Not even for me. You may remember Smart Consumerism and the Art of Purging, which I wrote a few months back, and I really did follow my own advice to a large extent – though after getting rid of most of my books and tarot decks, and everything else, I subsequently proceeded to build up my wardrobe. I’m mostly glad I did all of these things – though frankly, I would have been better off with the books than with the new clothes.

Natalia Vodianova by Bryan Adams, Zoo Magazine #29

Don’t get me wrong – building my wardrobe up was, for the most part, smart. I was buying things that were really practical and that I really liked, things that defined my personal style, things I would love for a very long time and use over and over and over. The problem with my wardrobe now is that it’s still too big – it’s bursting at the seams (leaving me with too much potential and not enough time nor occasions to utilize it), and much of it overlaps itself stylistically (how many cutout tops and body con dresses do I need?). Though I’m getting much better, I still have trouble saying no.

I must admit that I am rather proud of myself for the very small number of purchases I’ve made these past couple of months, now that money is tight. And for the fact that most of these purchases have been practical and fulfilling. Nevertheless, my wishlist grows ever longer, and with a tighter budget than ever before I’m having even more trouble dealing – coveting until I start hocking clothes on eBay for cash, until my chest aches and I actually become saddened, lamenting the fact that I just can’t afford that coat or those shoes right now, no matter how much use I might get out of them (and it’s still worth stressing the might).

It’s easy to forget the importance of all else when the perfect wardrobe addition comes along. But it’s amazing how much happier I feel in general when I’m not so consumed by want, when I actually have money to go out for dinner from time to time, when I wear (to death) the great clothes I already have. Without the everyday luxuries, it’s all pointless.

Natalia Vodianova by Bryan Adams, Zoo Magazine #29

I am still a big fan of shopping, of revamping my wardrobe to suit my sartorial wants and needs. But when it gets to the point that I don’t have the cash for fashion, yet I’m still online window-shopping all day to the point of exhaustion and emotional discomfort – it’s simply not worth it.

It’s absolutely true what they say: Getting what you want all the time will ultimately leave you unfulfilled and joyless. I deserve no pity – but privilege can be a very dangerous vice. There are times I wonder if I can really keep a fashion blog without the burden of desire consuming me (and I in turn consuming everything else to self-medicate). I suppose we shall see. In the meantime I’m going to continue to mull this over, and try to save cash for what are truly more pleasurable things – I could really use a trip to the movie theater and some comfort cheesecake right about now.

What I’m Thankful For

Amy — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 10:05:56 +0000

Photo by Alex Duvall

I’ve been stressed out like crazy lately. I’m feeling kind of burnt out, stressed about job hunting and blogging, feeling like I’m not accomplishing enough. To top it all off, I’m having a hard time eating healthy food, I have laundry up to my ears, and now there’s a mouse in my apartment that I need to get rid of (he’s cute, and I have nothing against him, but it’s still a pain).

But in the midst of all this suffering (if you can call it that) is Canadian Thanksgiving, which is a nice reminder to be thankful instead of beating myself up and letting the stress get to me. Unfortunately, I haven’t actually spent Thanksgiving in Canada for many years, and I miss that, but the spirit is there nonetheless.

(For the record, I don’t support the historical context of Thanksgiving or Columbus Day in the least. I just use it as an opportunity to be thankful for the things I do have going for me.)

And so in that vein, here’s a list of things I’m currently thankful for:

♥ Autumn. I will never get tired of this.
♥ Matthieu. And all the time I get to spend with him, and getting to share an apartment with him.
♥ Wisdom like this, which reminds me how important it is to be happy. Also, Carl Sagan, who was brilliant.
♥ My extensive shoe collection and wardrobe. I always want more, but I am so privileged to have what I have.
♥ Potatoes, which are the tastiest food on the planet. And sweets. And vegetables.
♥ The Simpsons, which raised me with a great sense of humor, and still gives me the giggles.
♥ Cinematography, poetry, and art.
♥ My creativity, in whatever form it takes.
♥ My chinchillas, who are such cute little brats.
♥ Similarly, all the time I’ve had with previous pets – all of whom have, in many ways, been some of my best friends.
♥ Michael Jackson.
♥ This body. Which I often delude myself into thinking is slimmer than it actually is, but has been so, so good to me nonetheless.
♥ My eternal optimism.
♥ My friends (I’ve met so many great people over the past few years).
♥ My amazingly supportive parents.
♥ The blogosphere.
♥ Tarot, and all the good times, wisdom, and rewards it’s given me.
♥ My awesome extended family, and getting to spend time with all of them these past two summers.
♥ Grad school, for allowing me to write my thesis. Undergrad, for giving me the most intriguing four years of education of my life. And High School, for making me so outrageously resilient.
♥ This blog. And blogging in general, which has saved my sanity for many, many years, and given me a beautiful record of my life.
♥ My readers. For reading (duh), and staying with me.
♥ The privilege of being alive.

Lost & Found

Amy — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 17:10:40 +0000

Photo by Alex Duvall

I’m gonna change it up today and tell you a story.

When I was seven years old, my parents took me and my brother camping at Germansen Lake, B.C. We were there for a week, and every single day it rained (poured, actually). The lake was full of rocks and freezing (and believe me when I say freezing, because I’m Canadian, and I’ve lived by a rather cold lake my whole life. This was different). There was no proper outhouse. We were crammed in our tiny little camper for days with nothing to do but play Monopoly. And on the day we left, the sun appropriately came out, long enough for us to eat outside – while a black bear hovered in a tree rather close to our picnic table, and two deer (perhaps the only really lovely things I’d seen all week) appeared long enough for my German Shepherd, Missy, to spot them and promptly chase them away.

But one really cool thing happened to me that week.

I was outside after a heavy rain, and in my foraging around in the rocks and the dirt I’d found something (I don’t remember what – something small like a piece of driftwood or another child’s forgotten toy) I deemed worthy of burying (I’d learned many things about value from pirates). So I found what I thought was the loveliest tree – in the middle of the campsite amongst smaller trees – under which to bury something. And as I was digging a hole with my bare hands, I discovered that I wasn’t the only person who’d had this idea, and uncovered in the very hole I was digging something someone else had buried. It was a tiny little glass spice jar about the size of an apricot, with a tin lid patterned in red tartan. The most peculiar thing was that it was empty. Sealed, intact, and empty.

Well, I was not one to take this find lightly. I replaced the jar with my own treasure, covered the hole, and kept the jar for myself. Then I took it to the lake, filled it with some of that very cold water and the prettiest rocks, and sealed it. I never opened it again, and seventeen years later, I still have it.

I’ve been feeling kind of stressed and lonely lately, but somehow that story cheers me up. Something about knowing that you can find joy in the most unexpected places, amidst all the unpleasantness, and take it with you. That you can leave a piece of your own behind that somewhere, someday, someone else might find. ♥