Fashion Etiquette: Keep Your Damn Mouth Shut

If there’s one thing that really bothers me about fashion, it’s judgment.  Rules.  And how the two go hand in hand.

I am my own toughest critic, and that’s the way I like it. Fashion “rules” can become ingrained: don’t wear denim on denim; don’t mix prints; don’t wear socks with sandals.  The list goes on, but all these “rules” have been successfully broken, both on the streets and the runways (and by me personally, whether you agree with me or not).  But they still face criticism.  As if that weren’t enough, fashion changes and evolves season to season – and some trends are ‘in’ and ‘out’ so often (two prime examples are animal print and blue eyeshadow – both of which I’ve been married to since I was twelve) that I just stopped buying into it entirely way back in high school.  If something’s ‘out’ this season, it’ll be ‘in’ the next – which is another discussion entirely.

But this doesn’t mean anything to me. I’ve never been one to necessarily follow trends; nor have I been one to criticize what other people wear, or stop wearing something just because I heard someone say they didn’t like the look (whether mine or someone else’s).  We all have a right to our opinion – but I’m perplexed that there are still people who have never stopped to think that maybe they should just keep it to themselves.

I once saw a poster in a college dorm (professionally printed and endorsed by an academic group, no less) detailing the so-called “rules” for denim – among them, “don’t let your pockets hang out of your cutoffs,” and various other limitations, including what certain body types shouldn’t wear, and which looks were off-trend (and therefore, big no-nos).  In short, it perpetuated negativity and criticism toward other people’s wardrobes and style choices.  At the time, seeing it was somewhat crippling; regardless of how little stock I might have put in it, I suddenly felt very self-conscious, and felt obliged to follow this advice, lest I become the target of criticism in the halls. And I know many people out there feel the same way.

If I were to see that poster today, I would not hesitate to rip it down.  I would not hesitate to rip down any and every incarnation of it that might ever find itself in my presence.  What really steams me about this is not the fact that it passes unwarranted judgment or spreads negativity (although those things do bother me), but the fact that it’s disguised as some sort of self-help.  As if this information is for a person’s own good – that whoever wrote this nonsense is doing you a favor, saving you from embarrassment, making you a better human being.  When really, this is exactly the kind of drivel that – when spread throughout society like a virus – makes us victims to this crap in the first place.

Should we really care if certain people don’t want to see our bra straps, our fat rolls, or the bottoms of our shorts pockets?  Do I really care if you or someone else doesn’t like what I’m wearing?  No. Because it’s not for you (I don’t care if you’re a guy or a girl – this goes for all of you).  In fact, it has nothing to do with you.

Maybe I want that hole in my tights.  Or maybe I really don’t give a damn that it’s there.  That’s my excuse for how I look.  What’s yours?  Do you choose not to wear makeup?  Probably.  Do you know your cellulite is showing?  Maybe.  Does the fact that I’d never buy that top for myself stop you from wearing it?  No.  And it shouldn’t. Because it’s who you are.

And why the hell would that bother me?  It doesn’t.

Why the hell does that bother anyone?

Natalie Perkins wrote You Can’t Bully Me Out of My Skinny Jeans – an excellent article dealing with a similar issue of fashion criticism based on weight.  I urge everyone to read it.

“Firstly, you know how I feel about body shame that is dressed up as fashion advice.  It’s bogus.  No one should be harassed, mocked or attacked for wearing clothes (or NOT wearing clothes).  There is absolutely no weight limit on leggings or skinny jeans.  There is, however, an abundance of people who are falling into a trap of being way too invested in what other people do, and wear.  Why do they care so much?” – NP

People who criticize others constantly do it because they have serious self-esteem issues. It’s a knee-jerk reaction, a defense mechanism.  It’s no wonder so many of them post their opinions anonymously on poster board or the internet, because deep down, they must know what kind of backlash they’d get if they went public, daring to bare all in person.  We all know this in our hearts, but listen up:

You are also a victim. You’ve been criticized, will be criticized, and are probably being criticized or judged at this moment.  The next time you want to criticize someone’s appearance, think of how easy it would be for that person (or the person you’re complaining to, for that matter) to find something wrong with YOUR appearance.  When you spread criticism, you also invite it.  So don’t act so righteous.

People will always have opinions. There will always be someone who doesn’t like what you’re wearing.  You can’t please everyone.  Karla Deras of Karla’s Closet (who, by the way, exudes gorgeousness no matter what she wears), has received plenty of criticism for the size of her thighs (news flash: they’re not that big!) and for wearing certain outfits, regardless of how smoking she is.  She had this to say in one of her posts:

“A few people have written to me recommending that I stick with neutral colors or that I should really consider dressing like those models off-duty.  You know what I have to say to that crap?  Screw it.  Fashion should be fun.  There should never be any rules about what you should and shouldn’t wear.  Matter of fact, I hate those magazine articles that talk about dressing to suit your figure… maybe some people don’t want to accentuate their small waistline… maybe some people like showing off their wide hips… maybe some don’t want to wear all black just to look thinner… do you get my point?” – KD

THANK YOU.

So in closing: Don’t ever tell someone what they can or can’t (or should or shouldn’t) wear.  Don’t tell them how to wear it.  Don’t voice your opinion unless it’s requested. Your critique is not welcome.  Get over yourself. Remember – you’re on our side, bitch.