I’ve been feeling a little more than torn lately. I’m finishing up my degree, leaving the college scene after a six-year stint, and wondering where on earth I’m going to find a job that suits my writing major and still makes me money. I know there are plenty if I look, but it’s daunting. More daunting still is the prospect of resolving my immigration status, and it seems I’ve allowed myself to be confused on what’s required of me for my post-graduate visa – meaning if I don’t find a job post-haste, I’ll be out of luck in terms of staying in the United States – for now at least. Which sort of throws me for a loop.
I was originally thinking of moving to the west coast to look for a job in Portland – but these new developments with my work visa (which leave me no time to look for a job anywhere but here, if I still want that post-grad visa) suggest I either move back to Canada (likely Vancouver), or stay in Pittsburgh for up to a year, at which point (given that I’ll still miss the west coast, but may not have the means to apply for a more permanent job in Oregon) I’ll probably end up moving to Canada anyway.
So I drew some cards tonight to get a read on my situation, in terms of advice for my living situation in the coming year. The first to pop out was the 6 of Swords (above), which immediately made me think of travel, seeking refuge, and/or moving onto a better life elsewhere. But if so, where? I shuffled for a clarification card, and instead got three, and then three more – all of which made sense.
What have we here? My thoughts:
The Lovers (Following your heart. Going where your emotions take you.) This could be referring to the boyfriend. I certainly didn’t anticipate a split after our three years together. But he’s expressed a willingness to come with me, however he can – if that works out. Other than that – my heart belongs to Canada, before any other country.
9 of Cups (Getting what you wish for.) Honestly – what I want most? Freedom. And peace of mind. I won’t get either of those things here, unless I somehow find a really great job on the west coast, or decide to get married – both of which are quite unlikely at this stage.
8 of Cups (Moving on from a bad situation – quitting, leaving something you love/loved behind.) I usually think of bad relationships when I see this card. But I certainly don’t have one of those, nor do I plan on abandoning what I do have. It could indicate compromise. Or it could be referring to the fact that as much as I’ve built my last six years around the premise of becoming a U.S. citizen, my relationship with the United States is not its strongest right now.
And more:
2 of Pentacles (Weighing options, making a decision, juggling possibilities.) I clearly have a lot to think about – that implication’s obvious. Less obvious is the scenery in this card – a seascape, and a boat. Again, I’m thinking of travel – perhaps somewhere coastal.
9 of Swords (Nightmares. Irrational fears. Self-imprisonment.) Perhaps it’s time to break free from a situation that makes me feel trapped and helpless – especially when it’s in my control. Is struggling in place only making things worse? (As a side note, stress from my current situation has caused a recent increase in nightmares and sleep teeth-grinding.)
The Chariot (Taking control, finding balance, moving forward.) Again, this card screams travel and movement, and overcoming helplessness. It’s all about drive, communication, going where you want to go, doing what you want to do – and finding the right balance of techniques to reach that goal successfully. Truthfully, that’s all I’ve ever wanted.
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Overall:
Interesting that there are no court cards in this reading, indicating a lack of people, outside help and influences – this one’s all on me. There is also a complete lack of the Wands suit, which makes me think my creativity (which is already suffering under all this pressure) will continue to deteriorate under stress, until this situation is resolved. Given that my creative outlets are my lifeblood, I take this quite seriously. Guess I better make up my mind.
Currently, with all the not-so-subtle hints at travel, and an abundance of cups and water imagery, the cards point toward the west coast – while logic, a general feeling of entrapment, and an overwhelming message of “breaking free” all together strongly suggest Canada. There’s no denying that.
I suppose we’ll see how the dominoes fall.
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Update: It is now the following November, and I am still in Pittsburgh. Just goes to show you how much can change in a short period of time – and why tarot readings, however insightful, cannot predict events very far in advance.
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Card images from the Morgan-Greer Tarot.
